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Oct. 15th, 2012

i just cut again after so long. im so fucking stupid


i have this god damned flu and although it has taken my appetite away, it's completely stopped me from moving more than 2cm without falling over in pain. that means no gym, i was at the gym every day for a straight 2 months (apart from sundays, that's the day i see and spend the day with my grandad and gramda) i feel like a failure. i am a failure.

i'm scared to weigh myself.
i'm just so tired and unmotivated 
and life is so boring and
pointless and i
don't wanna do anything with
i fucking hate everything i've become. i've tried to be a good person but it just gets .. thrown back in my face.
anyway, here are some recent pics.. 

me and my best friend mark. it was his 21st birthday recently and we had a lovely time.. no. i was in england trying to sort out my heroin addict father. which got thrown back in my face.
omg no way. i found some red see-through rolling papers. so awesome. tasted kinda weird. but awesome.
went for the au natural look. it doesn't work for me.
try not t be sick at my revolting body.
my morning face/hair. this was taken today


okay, so i had the most perfect weekend! on saturday, i went up to lisburn to stay with my boyfriend for the night. we had little nibbles for dinner, since i'm not really eating properly at the moment, and we just snuggled the whole night! he brought duvets and pillows down to the living room, and we just snuggled all night. it was so amazing! we watched 3 movies too.. slobs! we watched scream iii first, then we watched the hills have eyes 2, then to top it all off, 28 weeks later. by this point, i was nearly conked out! we brought everything back upstairs, and fell asleep. we were in our underwear, but we didn't have sex. we just love that skin-skin feeling. well i do anyway, just feeling his chest on mine, or his chest on my back.. i just love it. we fell asleep holding hands, and i woke up at about 8am.. we were still holding hands. it was just so lovely. i mean it's not like it's the first time we've fallen asleep together, but this felt so amazing because we've been through a really rough few weeks recently and this was just fantastic. i loved every minute of it. well we woke up properly at around 1pm, and we just sort of cuddled for about an hour, he stroked my hair, felt my whole body.. i am so in love with this boy. he's everything i could've asked for, and more. i'm just too afraid to let him know that. 

good morning everyone. it's 2am and i'm just going to post a few pictures of me, because i, myself, like to know who i am talking to. so here it is, a whole little slideshow of me, with captions etc. just to get to know me :-)

this is me and my absolutely gorgeous puppy, mia, she's a 1 year old springer spaniel and she is just one of my 2 springers. she's absolutely beautiful and i love her like i've never loved anything else before. x

this is when i thought it'd be a really good idea to bleach and dye my hair orange! a big no no. i've had it many colours of the rainbow before but orange was by far my silliest idea yet.

this is me and my fantastic boyfriend ryan, he's so lovely. i couldn't of asked for a better man in my life, i love him with everything i have. <3

this is me at one of the many fabulous tumblr meetups i've been to, everyone i've met at them have been absolutely great, we've even started meeting up in local bars every weekend - we've all become really good friends! :-)

this is me and that gorgeous boy beside me is my fab boyfriend ryan!! we were in eivissa celebrating my birthday

i hope i didn't bore you all! (that's if anyone read this)



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